Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
