We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
