Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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