ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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