id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
