Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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