You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
