Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
