What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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