and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
