This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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