when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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