New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
