I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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