Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
