Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
