i barfeds in our rink
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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