There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
