So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
