what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
