Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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