Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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