Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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