Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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