Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize