Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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