Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
pray to the hookup gods
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
