One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
