Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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