They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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