just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
