We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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