just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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