i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
