She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
