Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
