Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
