he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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