She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
