we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
