I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
