Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
