she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
