He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
