R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
