xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
