He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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