Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
