my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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