is your mom at the bar?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
