thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
organizing the empties. That sober.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
